UNDERSTANDING THIS WILL SAVE YOU FROM A STRESSFUL OR TOXIC RELATIONSHIP AND MARRIAGE.
This will strike a deep chord with you if you’ve ever felt that you’re the only one fighting to keep your relationship intact. And continue reading if you wish to avoid that lonely struggle. One of the main causes of relationship failure is that one spouse is frequently frantically attempting to establish a connection that necessitates participation from both partners.
In my capacity as a relationship coach, I have helped numerous people overcome a variety of obstacles. I’ve occasionally witnessed clients revolutionize their lives by making minor adjustments to their routines, including improving communication or setting up appropriate limits. To be clear, though, those success stories are the exception rather than the rule.
The main problems are usually caused by the partner’s behavior (or lack thereof) and how it affects the relationship. It’s clear from our conversations that they’ve tried everything to make things better, but nothing has changed. Because they feel like they’re fighting this battle alone, their frustration grows.
The lesson I’ve learned is that if only one person is attempting to save the relationship, then no matter what advice I give, improvement will not be possible. A successful collaboration requires two dedicated people. A problem remains unresolved if neither partner accepts its existence.
One partner has said, “I’ve tried to communicate, I’ve tried to reach out, but nothing changes,” in countless conversations with me. Why is that? because the spouse they are worried about fails to see the situation for what it is.
This draws attention to a crucial fact: if one partner does not perceive the need for change, the relationship problem cannot be resolved. You may feel as though you are alone in a war. Real change won’t occur unless your partner acknowledges that there is a problem, for example, if you’re unhappy with the way they handle disagreements or money but they think it’s great.
Every relationship faces difficulties, but when both partners acknowledge that something needs work, healing can start. Trying to make someone change is pointless; real transformation happens when the person realizes they need to change. No amount of mentoring or well-intentioned counsel will change anything if that epiphany never comes.
Consider this for a moment: are you the only one who recognizes the issue? Are you carrying the weight of the relationship and trying to resolve a problem that your partner doesn’t even acknowledge? In that case, my first recommendation would be to see if you two could go to a coaching or counseling session. For any development to be made, both partners must be involved.
Clarity can be achieved for both of you by bringing in an impartial third party. There are three viewpoints to take into account in any relationship:
1. The truth of the man
2. The truth of the woman
3. The truth of the union
Usually, each partner will explain their story in a way that defends their behavior while drawing attention to the other’s errors. The true nature of the partnership, however, shows how each of them influences the dynamics at work. It takes time to develop this deeper understanding, but couples who succeed are far more likely to get past their differences and realize they are working together to create a better, healthier relationship.
My second piece of advice for unmarried couples is to reevaluate their relationship if their partner denies any problems. Your current situation is probably going to continue once you are married. Many people make the costly mistake of ignoring warning signs during dating because they think they will go away once they get married. In actuality, those warning signs frequently end up being the primary causes of subsequent marriage dissolutions.
After the vows, a partner who was uninterested in the development of the relationship while courting is unlikely to change. Avoid making the mistake of thinking that things will get better with time.
Keep an eye out for the warning signals; if they refuse to resolve conflicts with you, it might be time to reevaluate the partnership before more damage is done.
Keep in mind that a successful marriage is the result of both couples supporting one another rather than opposing one another. A solid marriage is based on two flawed people who are prepared to change, learn, and put the partnership before their personal comfort zones. You set yourself up for failure if you cling to the idea that “this is just how I am.” Adopt the attitude that “I can be and do better” instead. It has to do with ongoing development.
Although nobody is ready for marriage, the most successful couples are those that are willing to grow and change for the benefit of both their spouse and their union. Therefore, you should not bear the burden alone, nor should you allow your partner to do so. When both people sincerely care about how their behaviors influence one other, healthy relationships thrive. You run the danger of destroying the bond that keeps you together the moment you put winning disputes ahead of fostering your relationship.
