How To Deal With Manipulation In Your Marriage
The pursuit of a marriage in which cooperation and individual autonomy are valued can make any intrusion on your capacity to feel and act in accordance with your own beliefs and preferences seem oppressive. The last thing that anyone wants in a relationship is to feel controlled by their partner; if this is the case for you, learning how to face and get past this manipulation is essential to the longevity of your union.
Manipulation can have a profound effect on a person. Over time, it erodes confidence, damages self-worth, and threatens mental health. In a marriage, manipulation can take many different forms, from covert emotional abuse to more overt manipulation. Manipulation, in any form, is essentially harmful because it aims to dominate your spouse in unhealthy and dishonest ways.
It’s not simple to confront manipulation in a marriage. It requires tenacity and resiliency. However, confronting it head-on is crucial if you want a relationship that not only survives but also grows out of true independence and respect for one another.
Subtle and Mild Manipulation Probably Happens More Than You Realize In Marriage (Which Doesn’t Make It Right)
Think about the following situation: Let’s say one partner asks the other, “Do you have any plans for Friday night?” in a casual manner. When the first spouse hears no, they immediately offer, “Excellent! Let’s have dinner and a gaming night with your parents.”
Although this exchange appears benign at first glance, it quietly erodes the other spouse’s control over their own time. It’s a subtle kind of manipulation that neither side will likely discover. Relationship pain arises when one partner minimizes the significance of the other’s choices or viewpoints in order to further their own goals.
This example shows how manipulation can subtly affect day-to-day choices, undermining people’s feeling of autonomy and respect for others. In order to cultivate a relationship based on sincere cooperation and care for one another, it is imperative to identify and deal with such actions.
Manipulation Can Also Be More Direct
Say to the world, “If you really love me, you’ll invite your in-laws over for game night this weekend,” said one of the spouses. This is an overt attempt to control feelings through guilt; it allows no opportunity for nuance. Such strategies can ruin what should be a joyful get-together by fostering a tight and uncomfortable environment within the partnership.
This illustration shows how straightforward emotional manipulation can sever a partner’s relationships of respect and trust. Rather from encouraging warmth and collaboration, it adds a coercive component that stifles sincere displays of affection and concern.
To maintain a healthy relationship where decisions are made freely and respectfully, without undue pressure or guilt trips, navigating such situations demands sensitivity and clear communication.
WHEN YOU FEEL MANIPULATED, YOU MAY FEEL:
- Guilt, though you’ve done nothing wrong.
- Gaslighted, or made to feel you’re crazy.
- Isolated, If your spouse punishes you with silent treatment.
- Powerless, Because your choice seems to be taken away.
- Inferior, If your thoughts, opinions, and wants are dismissed or ignored in favor of the manipulators.
- Blamed, as though any negative results are your fault.
HOW CAN YOU RESPOND?
Getting around this difficult issue sometimes feels like traversing a maze. These are some suggestions that may provide some direction.
- Take a moment to examine your inner landscape and comprehend your own goals and viewpoints. Give yourself a minute to step back from the current discussion before committing to anything.
- It’s important to be really clear. To fully grasp each person’s actual desires without making them feel compelled to conform is the aim. Ask specific questions to help you discern between sincere preferences and manipulation tactics.
- Face the problem head-on. Make it plain to your partner that you will not put up with them utilizing devious or overt means to accomplish their objectives. Tell them how these manipulative acts impact your feelings and general wellbeing.
- Determining limits is essential. It’s about not allowing yourself to be taken advantage of carelessly. Boundaries prevent personalizing based only on differences by providing a foundation for mutual respect for different points of view. By establishing these boundaries, it becomes possible for both sides to truly hear and understand one another’s thoughts, feelings, and desires without passing judgment.
I know this all sound easier said than done, and it is.
Think at it this way: Whether they realize it or not, your spouse may be used to manipulating others to get what they want. Their strong fear grip may cause them to react poorly when faced with resistance. Their fear of not getting what they want can make them act in more coercive, dishonest, or manipulative ways.
Asking your spouse, “What’s the worst outcome if things don’t go your way right now?” can start a dialog if they show signs of minor manipulation. might be a useful strategy.
When a manipulative person is denied their desires, they may react with violence, abuse—either physical or emotional—or destructive behavior; however, in more severe cases, counseling may be required. It often takes time and therapy to help these people break this pattern so they can learn to accept and deal with situations in which their wishes are not accomplished.
Developing a strong sense of self and accepting self-awareness will help you resist exploitation in your marriage. This confidence helps you avoid being manipulated and steers you in the direction of cultivating a relationship based on respect and understanding for both parties. Manipulation has no place in a strong partnership since genuine cooperation and growth are fostered by the acceptance and appreciation of differing ideas.
