4 Steps In Making Amends In Marriage
Marriage is full with opportunities for mistakes. The bright side? You possess the ability to make things right. Step onto the four-step atonement journey.
1. Internal Recognition
Prior to correcting the situation, you must first admit to yourself that you made a mistake. This is not the time to duck questions with rationalizations such as “If you hadn’t brought it up.” No, now is the time to acknowledge your mistakes and tell yourself, “Yep, I messed up.”
Imagine this: You said you would be home for supper at seven, but you show up at eight thirty without warning. Your husband is obviously upset. Perhaps you’re thinking, “But I was late at work.” However, you know deep down that this might have been avoided with greater communication. Internal acknowledgment is useful in this situation. It’s about letting down your guard and admitting that your spouse has good reason to feel this way.
Internal realization is powerful since it is straightforward and doesn’t call for dramatic pronouncements or outright admissions of guilt. It’s the quiet, intimate step when you own up to your acts, even if it’s just in your own head. And to be honest, that was a pretty big first step already.
2. Feeling Regrets
We are now exploring the fascinating subject of regret. And by genuinely feeling regret, I don’t mean blaming oneself for every little thing. This is about having profound empathy rather than just saying, “Sorry you feel that way.” Consider the impact your actions had on your partner. Did they feel forgotten about or offended by your lapse?
Let’s go back to the supper example. Consider what your spouse would go through if they were to sit at the table by themselves and wait for you to arrive, rather than brushing off their disappointment. That sudden stab of regret you’re feeling? Accept it. It conveys your sincere concern and desire to make things right.
3. Confession (The Actual Apology)
Confession, or to put it another way, accepting responsibility for your error, is when the true change starts.
Writing a sincere apology takes real talent. The phrase “Sorry, but…” undermines your apology, so now is not the time to say it.
A real confession can sound like this: “I’m genuinely sorry for not letting you know I’d be late. I should have shown more consideration because I know how offended you were by it. Have you noticed that there are none? That is very important. The idea is to show your partner that you understand their pain and accept full responsibility for your own actions.
You might even add a little humor if you’re feeling quite daring. Saying something like, “I’ll set off a flare when I’m running late the next time.” When used at the appropriate time, humor can help relieve tension; excuses don’t always have to be serious.
4. Resolve The Change
This is where a lot of people falter. While offering an apology is vital, you run the risk of making the same errors again if you don’t make a sincere attempt to do better. Even if perfection is still unattainable, committing to change is making a promise to perform better the following time.
Resolving to change in our dinner scenario may be as simple as setting a phone reminder to notify your spouse if you anticipate being late. It may also entail improving your communication in order to prevent your spouse from feeling excluded all the time.
What matters is that perfect execution is not what this commitment is about. It has to do with advancement. It’s all about showing your partner that you’re committed to developing, even if it’s just one tiny, significant step at a time.
Eye Rolls To Appreciation: The Power Of Persistence
Don’t expect your spouse to believe in your newfound sincerity right away if they’ve been the target of numerous false apologies. And that’s okay as well. The true magic is found in consistent, continuous work rather than in one large gesture. At first, your partner may roll their eyes and be doubtful, but eventually, when they see your sincere attempts, their doubts will probably turn into gratitude.
While you are sincerely apologizing, your spouse may be prepared for the “same old story” routine. In an attempt to put you to the test, they can even ask you, “Sure, you’re apologizing now, but what about next time?”
Remain upbeat. The journey is about putting in consistent work and keeping your word, not about getting results right away. Rebuilding trust and fortifying your relationship takes time, but it happens every time you try to listen more intently, refrain from making excuses, and offer a sincere apology.
The Long Game
Marriage is about tenacity, not about reaching perfection. Even if your partner is initially hesitant, consistency will gradually allay their concerns. Change happens gradually, much like sowing seeds. At first, all you see is dirt, yet those seeds grow into something significant and lovely with time, water, and care.
Hence, when you make another error, adopt the “Oops, I did it again” strategy: own up to your error, extend a sincere apologies, and make a commitment to do better. If you persevere, those skeptics’ eye rolls may eventually turn into sincere grins or, at the very least, a more grateful “thank you.”
