10 Things to Look For In A Husband
While navigating the turbulent waters of marital disagreement, I frequently find myself in the ruins of relationships that are on the verge of disintegrating. One of the recurring themes among my female clientele is the melancholic song of retrospect, as they bemoan the red flags of caution that they disregarded throughout the early stages of their relationship.
I set out to condense these cautionary stories into a collection of wisdom in an effort to shed light on the shadows of relationship problems. These nuggets of wisdom are like lights in the stormy waters of love’s maze, for single people as well as married couples looking for connection.
So I start writing a book, a tribute to the knowledge that has been collected from the ruins of failed relationships. May it be like a lighthouse of wisdom, leading the heartbroken to shores untarnished by the shadow of sorrow.
Within the complex web of human romance, there is a primordial dance that is arranged according to the age-old rhythms of evolutionary urges. It’s an age-old story, set against the backdrop of cultural expectations and genetic imperatives, about the search for a compatible partner.
Many a maiden is drawn to the seductive charm of the alpha male, a figure immersed in confidence and assertiveness, in the lush meadows of youth by the siren call of desire. It’s a flirtation with fate, propelled by instincts refined over millennia, as she tries to line herself up with the ancestor of robust and resilient progeny.
Nevertheless, in the midst of the euphoric fog of love, the pall of hindsight frequently descends, illuminating the telltale symptoms of relationship disharmony that are missed in the fervor of passion. It’s important to moderate self-recrimination during these reflective moments by remembering that we are merely actors in the evolutionary drama, puppets to the whims of genetic imperatives.
Thus, with the knowledge gained from the furnace of experience, I provide ten tenets that serve as a roadmap for finding a life mate. Each one is evidence of the timeless qualities that are the foundation of a happy marriage. For individuals who have already entered into matrimony, may these characteristics act as markers of appreciation, shedding light on the way to a more profound bond and comprehension.
1. The Desire To Be A Team Player:
Even though you may find it charming at first to picture your partner relaxing on the couch while you bake cookies and clean up the mess, this could eventually lead to dissatisfaction. Driven by a tornado of hormones, it’s easy to find every move endearing as a devoted partner—almost like a fantasy of home bliss as he watches sports while you plan dinner. This behavior, nevertheless, may allude to some self-absorption. If you’re always the one moving, the distance between your and his activities may become enormous, particularly when life changes and you have kids and start a family of your own.
2. Good Hygiene:
It may sound insignificant, but many women find that their partner’s disrespect for basic personal hygiene, like taking a daily shower and brushing their teeth, is not only uncomfortable but also a major source of marital discontent that frequently simmers beneath the surface. If your significant other, who is now enjoying frequent intimacy, is not upholding your standards of cleanliness, it is likely that his behavior will worsen as the frequency of your dates decreases—especially as parenthood and money become more important.
3. Flexibility About Gender Roles:
If your spouse is adamant that women should stay at home after having children, this should raise red flags unless it aligns perfectly with your own ideals. That also applies to any other beliefs he may have about what women ought to or ought not to pursue, which sharply differ from what males believe. When your need for personal fulfillment beyond household roles grows more evident, as you approach your thirties or even earlier, your perspective may evolve and the thought of him being the only provider no longer seem so perfect.
Seek for someone who has a balanced perspective on the needs and goals of both genders to make sure your relationship supports equality. Remember that you should leave your partner as soon as possible if he ever makes you feel bad about your past experiences. These kinds of behaviors tend to stick around and can have a significant impact on how he raises your kids and how they view sexuality.
4. Financial Generosity, However Define it:
If your significant other has a tendency to be frugal, get ready for this trait to become more pronounced in a more serious relationship. While some couples find support in their frugal spending habits, things will only get worse after the wedding if you find yourself paying the bills all the time without making any attempt to improve your shared life. Before you know it, you’ll be making long, drawn-out speeches supporting your kid’s extracurricular activities—a situation that may easily lead to emotional detachment and bitterness.
Aligning your financial values is more important than being petty and foolish. If both of you value conserving money, a partner who enjoys extravagant gifts while you are frugal might still plant the seeds of discord—just in a different way, based on my experience in the workplace.
5. Moderation Around Substance Including Alcohol:
The allure of dating the fraternity’s alpha, who is known for his legendary drinking skills, can soon fade when you have to depend on him to help pay your mortgage. The attractive idea becomes less appealing when you find yourself counting on him to help out with late-night infant tasks and, only hours before, you find him staggering into bed drunk. Events like this can hasten the breakup of your marriage. If you’re a die-hard party animal yourself, remember that priorities change as you get older, particularly when you become a mother and a spouse who can easily become a source of annoyance if he insists on partying all the time.
6. Enjoyment Of Your Family And Friends:
Even though many partners put up with the presence of their significant other’s social circle, their acts betray their true feelings. If true love isn’t infused into the relationship—especially with the five people who are most important to you—it will continue to consume you. When your partner routinely hides in the basement when your mother arrives or casually makes nasty remarks about your best friend, it becomes a constant source of frustration and embarrassment for you and frequently results in heated arguments.
7. Same Desire For The Kids As You:
Couples must be in agreement when it comes to the decision to become parents. Look for a partner that shares your vision, whether it is a childless future or a busy home with three young children. This is a frequent story: a lady longs to become a mother, but her boyfriend is adamantly opposed to the idea. The truth usually comes out: she thought she could change his mind or that he would eventually change his viewpoint on things. However, if this change doesn’t happen, it will only lead to suffering and bitterness.
Having been clear about his position from the beginning, he feels betrayed while she feels cheated out of her greatest wish. Don’t start the pointless process of trying to change someone’s core parenting views. Rather, choose people whose goals coincide with yours to avoid needless suffering for both of you.
8. Your Same Primary Language:
If you get a kick out of hearing sweet nothings, make sure your significant other speaks this language of love well and incorporates it into your everyday exchanges. If doing good deeds makes you happy, look for a spouse who excitedly prepares a healthy dinner to chase away the day’s fatigue. Similarly, if you feel comfort in receiving thoughtful gifts, surround yourself with someone who takes great pleasure in showing you symbols of affection. But, there’s a warning to take into account: for many women, the intense desire that flares up during courtship may fade into a softer flame after marriage. Therefore, if your relationship thrives on physical intimacy, it’s critical to determine compatibility in your secondary love language as well, guaranteeing a harmonious relationship that endures throughout time.
9. The Ability To Verbalize Emotions:
Women frequently become involved with intelligent but mentally challenged partners who have symptoms of alexithymia. These people may fall somewhere along the Asperger’s spectrum or may have come from homes where emotional expression was frowned upon or emotionally repressed. If your significant other is the embodiment of the proverb “still waters run deep,” consider how you will be able to determine the depths of those waters if he has never expressed much to you. If you’re the type of person who enjoys having in-depth emotional conversations—which is probably why you clicked on this article—then a partner who can’t express his deepest feelings can eventually lead you to deep sadness and isolation.
10. Sexual Chemistry/Passion:
While some women feel comfort in being married to their closest confidante, the success of these relationships frequently depends on both partners disliking intense sexual chemistry. However, for most people, the attraction of intense passion remains a fundamental aspect of love relationships, especially during the initial stages of a partnership. Neglecting to light this spark can result in a depressing dynamic. Moreover, your partner’s ardor may burn brightly even if your own libido is tepid. You may imagine a partnership built on camaraderie and security, along with the tacit understanding that lust will eventually fade into the background of married life—a belief that is not unusual for some women. But your spouse could be hoping for a sudden increase in sex after the marriage.
Your assumption that sexual passion wouldn’t serve as the cornerstone of your marriage is contradicted when this expectation isn’t fulfilled, leading to a lingering sense of bitterness and disappointment.
Remember, it’s a sign of a healthy relationship if you bring up any of these worries with your partner and he complies for an extended amount of time. On the other hand, should he continue to be stubborn on these fronts before getting married, his ingrained behaviors would probably worsen after the wedding, greatly raising the possibility of discontent when the honeymoon phase wears out.
Allow this discussion to act as a stimulus for in-depth introspection, regardless of whether you’re negotiating the unpredictable world of dating or struggling with marital dissatisfaction. Peel back the layers of your relationship if you’re in the midst of courting to see if it aligns with your deepest goals and objectives. On the other hand, if you feel bound by the constraints of marriage, you might not have married a disillusioned shadow of the man you knew during the courtship stage, but rather you might have mistakenly married an older version of the same person.
