The 5 Psychological Theories Of Love

What ignites the human heart’s love chemistry? And why do some relationships fade like early morning mist, while others stand the test of time? Love is a mysterious power that envelops human emotion, with its origins and workings unknown. Nonetheless, researchers have worked to discover its mysteries throughout history.

Psychologists and academics have ventured forth with a variety of hypotheses in their quest for understanding, seeking to unravel the mystery of love’s origins and eternal essence. Here, we explore five well-known ideas that aim to shed light on the psychology of love and the complex web of emotional ties.

Liking & Loving

In the vibrant year of 1970, psychologist Zick Rubin revealed a theory that helped sort through the complex relationships between ardor and fondness. Imagine this: occasionally, feelings of affection and appreciation for other people fill our hearts. We are grateful for their presence and cherish every second we spend with them. Rubin called this feeling “liking,” which is a different emotion from the majesty of love.

Well, but affection! It explores more intense areas, a turbulent sea of intense feelings roiling with need. Physical proximity and intimacy are paramount in this situation. While those engulfed in the throes of love weave their needs and desires together to make a symphony of mutual care and commitment, those submerged in the waters of “like” luxuriate in each other’s essence.

Within the prism of Rubin’s thoughts, he saw romantic love as a tapestry made up of three different strands:

A close bond entwined with mutually reliant requirements.
A natural propensity to lend a hand.
Feelings of complete immersion and exclusivity.

Using these fundamental components as a starting point, Rubin created a questionnaire designed to delve into the nuances of people’s relationships with one another. By careful examination, he discovered that several levels, from simple liking to deep love, reflected and supported his understanding of affection.

The Color Wheel Model Of Love

In the vivid story of his 1973 masterwork “The Colors of Love,” psychologist John Lee revealed an enthralling hypothesis that compared the color wheel’s kaleidoscope hues to the spectrum of love. Lee hypothesized the presence of three fundamental kinds of love, which are similar to the primary colors:

Eros: The term Eros derives from the depths of Greek etymology, its essence entwined with sensuality and passion. According to Lee’s proposal, this type of love embodies a dedication to an idealized soul and combines physical ardor and emotional intensity.
Ludus: Ludus is a word that comes from the Greek language and means “game.” Seriousness is elusive in this display of affection, as humor and whimsy take center stage. People who are attracted to Ludus avoid making commitments and tread carefully around the boundaries of intimacy, seeing love as more of a lighthearted flirtation than a serious relationship.
Storge: Storge, which has its roots in the language of the ancient Greeks, grows out of the idea of “natural affection.” This particular aspect of love includes the ties that families have with one another, with siblings, and even with far-off relatives. However, it goes beyond ancestry, finding rich roots in the supportive environment of friendship, where common interests and unwavering dedication foster a gentle attachment. As a result, it depicts love as a bond created via friendship.

Lee’s Styles Of Loving

Lee expanded on his notion with a brilliant flash of vision, comparing the alchemical process of love to the fusion of fundamental colors. He conjectured that the major forms of love could mix to create secondary styles of love, much like colors mix to create new shades. So as Lee’s canvas widened in 1977, it revealed a wider range of love’s complex fabric.

The three new secondary love styles are:

Mania: A hybrid of Eros and Ludus, symbolizing infatuation
Pragma: A combination of Ludus and Storge, representing a practical, grounded kind of love.
Agape: A combination of Storge and Eros, representing a magnificent, selfless kind of love.

Triangular Theory Of Love

In the field of psychology research, Robert Sternberg’s triangle hypothesis of love was first presented in 1986. Love unfolds in its geometric embrace in three different ways:

Intimacy
Passion
Commitment

Different combinations of these three elements reveal different ways that love is expressed in the complex dance of affection. Imagine this: combining commitment and intimacy creates the tender embrace of empathetic love, while combining passion and intimacy creates the intense fire of passionate love.

According to Sternberg’s groundbreaking triangular theory, relationships built on numerous pillars are more resilient than those based on a single feature. Let me introduce you to ultimate love—a divine union of closeness, ardor, and dedication. It is the epitome of love, unique and strong, illuminating a select few who are lucky enough to experience it.

Attachment Theory Of Love

The year 1987 was a pivotal moment in the history of romantic exploration when two researchers from the University of Denver, Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver, made their discoveries. They presented an intriguing notion that mirrored the complex dance of early attachments by equating romantic love to a biosocial journey. Inspired by the attachment theory of renowned psychologist John Bowlby, Hazan and Shaver crafted a story that connected the past and present.

Their fundamental observations state that an individual’s attachment style, shaped in the furnace of early relationships, leaves its mark on the canvas of romantic relationships in adulthood. This basic design endures, like a thread woven into the fabric of existence, forming the shapes of close relationships years later.

The Three Styles of Adults Attachment are:

Anxious: People that fit this description frequently struggle with persistent uncertainties about their partner’s feelings. Every now and again, their desire for intimacy becomes so intense that it unintentionally scares their partner and pushes them away.
Aviodant: For those wearing this look, being close to other people is like traversing unfamiliar territory; there’s an unease that lurks in the background. They find it difficult to grasp trust, which is as elusive as a puff of smoke, leaving them adrift in the ocean of human connection.
Secure: Calmness is king in the land of stable attachment, casting a reassuring blanket over the bond. Here, tucked up in the cocoon of love, fears of being left behind fade like morning mist, and the intimacy specter is nothing to dread.

Based on the observations of Hazan and Shaver, the attachment tapestry emerges, with the avoidant and anxious/ambivalent patterns closely trailing behind secure attachment, which lays out the largest swath.

Hazan and Shaver provide a complex network of hypotheses that suggests a cyclical interaction between attachment and love experiences, which shapes beliefs and ultimately shapes relationship outcomes. While this technique could help those who are secure traverse smooth seas, it might also cause conflict for people who are caught in avoidant or anxious/ambivalent habits.

Compassionate & Passionate Love

In the conversation surrounding love, psychologist Elaine Hatfield emerged in 1988 and added to our knowledge by revealing a dualistic worldview. According to her theory, there are two different ways that love might manifest: passionate love and compassionate love.

Compassionate Love: It takes the form of a tuneful symphony of respect for one another, intense connection, gentle compassion, and unshakeable trust. This type of love usually grows from the rich soil of knowledge and respect for one another, creating a tapestry of deep connection and comprehension.
Passionate Love: It manifests as a whirlwind of passionate feelings, entwining strong feelings, instinctive cravings, quivering fears, and gentle affection. Hearts soar on wings of bliss and fulfillment when these ferocious desires find reciprocity; when they fall short, however, they descend into the abyss of hopelessness and despair.

According to Hatfield, cultural standards that promote romantic entanglements are like a fostering light that helps the seeds of intense love sprout. It thrives when the subject of one’s affections embodies the ideals of one’s love and sets off a cascade of elevated physiological reactions when they are in their company. But this love is fleeting, usually lasting between six and thirty moons, much like a shooting star slicing across the night sky.

Passionate love smoothly waltzes into the arms of compassionate love, where its flames are tempered into enduring warmth, in an exquisite dance of attachment. Although a lot of people wish their relationships had more stability and passion, Hatfield notes that these kinds of unions are still uncommon in the complex dance of love.

Conclusion

Numerous ideas guard the maze of attachment, each providing a distinct viewpoint on the origins and development of love. When combined, they provide a rich tapestry of understanding that presents many perspectives on the beginning, growth, and development of love-based relationships.