8 Tips From A Woman Who Dated For Decades
Tried and true tips to help you navigate the complicated world of dating.
Sarah Lavane, whose latest book, Unmatched, is getting rave reviews, has learned a lot from her experience navigating the dating scene for years with less than ideal results. In this exclusive interview with Aish, Sarah shares her top eight dating strategies that could transform your love life.
1. Be Authentic
“For years, I made the mistake of trying to be who I thought my dates wanted me to be. I was playing a role rather than being my true self. This approach won’t lead to a lasting marriage. Even if you manage to stay in a relationship for a while, it won’t work out in the end because the foundation was never genuine.” Instead, focus on living out the values you seek in a partner. Stay true to your own principles, and the right person will naturally come into your life.
2. Diversify Your Network
It could be time to make some changes if you feel like your dating life is stagnating and you’re not receiving many dates or recommendations.
Sarah says, “Don’t rely on a single approach.” If going to singles gatherings isn’t your thing, try one anyhow by stepping outside of your comfort zone. On the other hand, think about broadening out if you discover that although you attend these parties, you keep seeing the same people. Speak to a matchmaker or arrange a networking meeting with married friends. Investigate speed dating or start dating online.
“The secret is to embrace new experiences and push your boundaries.” You shouldn’t expect to see different outcomes from the same old tactics because comfort zones can impede your advancement.
3. Invest In A Dating Coach
If dating seems like an uphill battle, you might want to get some advice to help you deal with the challenges that come with it.
“Talking to a dating coach can be very beneficial,” says Sarah. Every stage of dating has its own set of difficulties. I found fear to be a major obstacle, and I found it difficult to go forward without guidance. I waited until I was in my forties to seek therapy.
When Sarah looks back on her early years, she says, “I struggled with severe marital fears and challenges. I broke up with a lot of possible partners only because I wasn’t ready or wasn’t ready to commit. When I did deal with my problems at last, I was older and had fewer choices.
Sarah stresses how crucial it is to have a third party guide you through facing and overcoming these concerns. “I think that years of frustration and self-discovery could have been avoided if I had sought help sooner.”
4. Forgive And Let Go
Reminiscent about failed relationships in the past should be avoided. The next chance you have to be happy can be right around the corner. Maintain your trust.
“I remember a time when a young woman sat down next to me on a bus going to a weekend retreat. We started talking, and I had an idea about someone she could be a good fit for. After I helped them connect, they eventually got married. I was reminded by this encounter that fate, or the universe, has the ability to surprise you with the right match.
5. The Perfect Mate Does Not Exist
Finding the proper person for you—someone whose flaws you can accept—is more important in marriage than finding someone ideal.
Lavane related an incident in which she nearly called off a date with a man following an uncomfortable phone conversation. “I was about to end the chat since it felt so strange at first. However, I made the decision to go ahead, and on the date, something changed. I saw that the conversation was getting more interesting rather than wanting to run away.
“By the second date, I was enjoying myself and was curious to see where it would go. Even though I was aware of his shortcomings, I felt at ease with him.
In her book, Sarah refers to this man as “Singular.” She saw his potential even if their relationship terminated.
“I used to have “tile syndrome,” where I would focus on the one tile that wasn’t there in a room full of thousands. This syndrome was fueled by my dread and lack of preparation. I dreamed of a romance straight out of a fairy tale, but as I grew older and more practical, I began looking for actual connection. We must ask ourselves honestly: Are we seeking a fantastical experience or something more grounded? My fantasy stories never worked out!
6. Make A Good Impression
Regardless of how interested you are in your date, always make sure to leave a great impression.
I tell my customers as a dating coach that they are portraying themselves at all times. Presenting your best self is important, even if the date doesn’t look promising. Maintaining your personal integrity is equally as important as protecting your reputation.
In line with this idea, Lavane says, “Everyone deserves fundamental respect.” Furthermore, you never know who they could know—it could be a friend, neighbor, or family member who would be a perfect fit for you. Steer clear of ghosting others and be polite in all of your interactions!
7. Don’t Be Afraid To Make The First Move
Ask someone out; you might be pleasantly surprised! Take the risk! You can miss the opportunity to learn about their interest if you don’t approach them.
Lavane’s companion declared, “I’m going to ask that guy out,” during a wedding. Since I’m never asked out, I’m making the first move.
Motivated by this, Lavane looked at the person seated across from her. She didn’t want to cause any awkwardness by approaching him directly during the wedding, so she scribbled him a note with her phone number on it and placed it into his mailbox.
He called, much to her joy, and they went on a date. He said, “I always liked you and thought you were really nice,” during their talk.
“If you liked me, why didn’t you just ask me out?” Lavane enquired.
“I thought you were too popular and would turn me down,” he retorted.
Lavane was taken aback since he had thought she was too good for him and now here she was, having trouble finding dates.
Thus, always remember to initiate contact without hesitation. According to the proverb, “Fortune favors the bold.”
8. Dating Is Not A Waiting Room
Put your life on hold and don’t wait for a better time to begin living. This is your moment to really live life to the fullest!
“I used to put things off, believing that after I was married, I would get started. After my roommate moved out, I didn’t replace her microwave for months since I assumed my future husband would bring his own or we would buy one together. It was a little ridiculous.”
Never forget to prioritize your own fulfillment and pleasure over those of someone else.
