5 Questions To Ask Before You Say I Do
One of the most important decisions you will ever make is choosing your life partner. Here’s how to be sure the decision you’re making is actually the best one for you.
1. Are You Trying To Change Your Partner?
The common mistake couples make is thinking that marriage will miraculously make up for their partner’s shortcomings. It’s typical, but rarely realistic, to have beliefs like “He’ll start working out once we’re married” or “She’ll cut back on spending once we settle into our life together.”
Assuming your spouse will drastically alter once you tie the knot is actually a certain way to end your relationship. Instead than attempting to accommodate other people into your demands, concentrate on lowering your own standards. Instead of trying to change your partner, the secret to a happy relationship is to adjust your perspective.
When you decide to get married, you’re deciding to accept and be happy with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Harmony is fostered by genuine acceptance. Without it, your future is probably going to be tumultuous and full of disappointments.
2. Do You Have The same Values ?
Infatuation frequently takes center stage during dating. Everything seems ideal at the moment, and you’re enthralled by your partner’s novelty. You both seem to be so in sync—enjoying the same shows, dining at the same restaurants, and generally having a great time together—that discussions on long-term values may seem redundant. It’s simple to presume that your values will coincide with time.
But it’s imperative that you address the important matters that will determine your shared destiny. Think about situations when you want to be a stay-at-home mom and your partner thinks you should work, or when your positions on drug use and religion education diverge.
It’s crucial to know your non-negotiables and basic principles. A more harmonious marriage will result from alignment on core values. Neglecting to address crucial subjects like money, parenting practices, and religious convictions might cause serious problems in the future.
3. Are You Being Realistic?
Many people imagine married life as a romantic fantasy, a never-ending affair free of worries or tensions. But the real world is very different. Arguments, disagreements, and moments of incredulity are all part of the experience. “Did they really just say that?” or “Is your partner living on a different planet?” are possible thoughts to have.
It is impractical to expect a partnership free of conflicts. It’s a delusion to think that your significant other will consistently return home and show you nothing but love. Rather, prepare yourself for the inevitable ups and downs of married life. Acknowledge your differences in a constructive way and learn civil dispute resolution techniques.
Establish clear guidelines for communication and accept that everyone needs a little privacy and quiet from time to time, especially after a trying day. This does not imply that your union is in disarray.
To be realistic, one must consider real-world issues such as how to divide up family chores. Who pays the bills? Which purchases are most important to us? What is our shared vision for the future? Where are we going to celebrate the holidays?
Establishing common objectives is crucial for a journey to be successful.
4. Do You See Red Flags?
It’s simple to ignore warning signs that should normally arouse suspicions when you’re in the middle of a romantic relationship. As problems occur over time, you may discover that the characteristics that led to the conflict—disrespect, infidelity, addictions, explosive tempers, excessive drinking, lack of ambition, or emotional instability—were there from the beginning.
Many spouses acknowledge in retrospect that these concerning tendencies would have become clear with a little more thought. But in the radiance of love, individuals frequently decide to overlook the warning signals. Friends and family may point out worrying habits, but their advice may go unheeded.
Accept being sincere with yourself. Don’t discount your intuition if something seems odd. Spend some time thoughtfully evaluating your emotions. It is preferable to face and resolve such problems at an early stage rather than to ignore or rationalize undesirable characteristics and dysfunctions.
5. Is Marriage Being Use As A Refuge?
Marriage isn’t a place where people go to recover or escape their personal problems. It’s not a place to heal psychological scars or run away from problems in life. It’s a fragile foundation to go into marriage expecting your spouse to fill the vacuum created by unfulfilled parental needs or with unresolved difficulties.
The following are some fallacious justifications for entering a relationship: “We’ve been together for so long, starting over feels daunting,” “I don’t have the patience to begin anew with someone else,” or “The idea of being alone terrifies me.”
These arguments are insufficient to support a lifetime commitment.
Marriage is not a tryout that you can end if things don’t work out; rather, it is a serious, long-term commitment. Building a life with your spouse and creating a happy, mutually understanding home is the real gift of marriage. Take the time to think, talk, and build a relationship that fulfills and offers enjoyment to you both.
