10 Tips After 20 Years Of Marriage
Let’s toast to us! We’ve been married for twenty years now. Surprisingly, in light of the experience of people who have been at it even longer, it still seems like a drop in the ocean. Nevertheless, twenty years is a big deal, and we’ve definitely had our fair share of things. Cheers to the adventure thus far!
1. Make Yourself An Easy Person To Apologize To
Refrain from responding to your partner after they apologize, regardless of whether it was for being grouchy or for taking a 500-mile detour. As an alternative, just say a sincere “Thank you for apologizing,” or, if you’re feeling especially kind, “I forgive you.”
2. Recognizing Diverse Viewpoints
Remember that your perception of what is “right” may simply be “what you’re accustomed to,” and surprisingly, it may even be “off-base.” Remain receptive. Often, what appears strange is merely another form of mishugas, or madness, from your own.
3. Respecting Your Spouse Family
Refrain from disparaging your spouse’s relatives. It’s rarely worth the trouble, and it’s never a smart idea.
4. Don’t Keep Anything Important As Secret
Apart from being easily discovered, secrets often build barriers between you and your significant other. It’s usually preferable to deal with issues honestly and openly. (Ladies, you decide if that $200 Nordstrom Rack impulse purchase is really that big of an issue or not.)
5. Learn That You Will Never, Ever Change Your Spouse
Accepting flaws is a key component of unconditional love. Try to find value in your partner’s peculiarities and shortcomings since they make them who they are. It’s interesting to note that showing unconditional love to someone motivates them to become their best selves.
6. Never Prioritize Your Kids Over Your Marriage
You may be prioritizing your children over your marriage if it has been a long time since you and your spouse spent a night apart from the children. Remember, your children’s greatest gift from you to them is a strong, caring bond. By booking that vacation, you’ll be investing in your relationship and benefiting everyone.
7. There Is Nothing Wrong If Each Of You Eat Something Different For Dinner
Sharing meals with your family is what really counts, even if one of you is eating while the other drinks tea, and even if talking to your children seems like trying to encourage them to smoke. Make time to socialize over meals and beverages. (I understand—children may find this difficult; see to #6.)
8. Every Week Check-Ins for Vital Discussions
Keep an ongoing list of things that need to get done over the week. It can be anything from “my fears about mortality” to “the washing machine’s odd noises” to “concerns about our child’s behavior.” Whether in person or over the phone, set aside at least 30 minutes a week to discuss these concerns. By using this strategy, you can prevent bringing up difficult subjects when you’re not feeling well, such as when you’re hungry, tired, or stressed.
9. Learning From Happy Couples
Look for happy couples and ask them for advice. Watch out for them in your day-to-day activities. Many times, older couples who have been married for decades have insightful stories to share. You never know, maybe you’ll have pearls of wisdom of your own someday.
10. Giving Your All In Marriage
My best advice is to not accept 50% from each person. Make an effort to contribute everything you have. You’ll have a marriage that is genuinely loving in this way. By approaching every activity with this perspective, you may demonstrate to your partner that your true priorities are giving it your best.
