The 6 Best Gifts You Can Give To Your Partner

Early on in a relationship, affectionate mementos like handwritten notes, carefully chosen music selections, or impromptu trips away help to strengthen the connection between partners. These impulsive declarations of love, however, frequently fade as a relationship becomes older. Even choosing the ideal present for a birthday or holiday can become a tedious task.

Giving, however, takes on greater significance as relationships develop, and some of the most heartfelt gifts are unwrappable. They are the sincere remarks and actions that are motivated by true feeling and have the power to transform an ordinary connection into something genuinely remarkable.

Gay Hendricks, PhD, who co-wrote “Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment” with his wife Kathlyn Hendricks, PhD, observes that “what stands out in research is that actions speak loudest.” “A consistent commitment to giving from the heart can elevate your relationship to new heights.”

1. Learn Your Partner’s Love Language.

The need to be loved by our partner and to feel loved in return is a common goal in all relationships. However, when each individual displays love in a way that does not resonate with their spouse, a big issue occurs, according to Gary Chapman, PhD, author of “The 5 Love Languages.”

For example, one person can believe that physical touch is the purest form of love, whereas their partner would place more value on deeds of service, like clearing the home. In essence, they are communicating in distinct emotional languages. “There isn’t a lack of good intentions behind these misunderstandings,” says Chapman. “They stem from not touching the emotional core of the other person.”

According to Chapman, the majority of us pick up our emotional lingo from our parents during our upbringing. It might be confusing and frustrating when our partner doesn’t understand us.

Chapman suggests that in order to close this gap, partners should determine and communicate each other’s love language. Couples can avoid these misconceptions more skillfully if they are aware of each other’s preferred methods of receiving love, whether it be through presents, acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, or quality time spent together.

He also suggests thinking back on the questions you ask your partner a lot, since this can often disclose the kinds of things that would make you feel most loved. This strategy can promote greater comprehension and fortify emotional bonds in interpersonal relationships.

These are Chapman’s Five Love Language:

1. Words Of Affirmation:   Love speaks louder and louder for some people, especially when it comes in the kind of praise or words of encouragement, such as “I’m so glad you found a babysitter” or “I’m confident you can run a 10K.” Whether or not verbal affirmations are your primary love language, research shows that encouraging words play a major role in fostering a sense of togetherness in relationships—a feeling that enhances overall relationship happiness.
2. Quality Time: If spending quality time is your main love language, then your greatest desire from your spouse is their undivided attention and presence. You treasure the time you have to yourselves to spend doing fun things and having deep conversations. Spending quality time together, according to Chapman, not only builds a storehouse of treasured memories but also fortifies marital ties, resulting in increased stability and fulfillment in your connection.
3. Receiving Gifts: In partnerships, tangible presents are an important part of the spectrum of ways to show affection. The secret to comprehending this love language, though, is to develop a profound sense of appreciation and understanding for your partner—not to worry about the price. These presents—whether it’s an inexpensive bracelet, an eye-catching rock found on a trip, or a painstakingly created watercolor painting—signify careful observation and an authentic understanding of your partner’s true nature and hobbies. They say a lot about how much you value and recognize the individuality and wants of your partner.
4. Acts Of Service: This love language is all about going above and beyond to meet your partner’s needs and wants. It’s about figuring out what it is that would bring them joy, be it cooking, cleaning the cat’s litter, or taking care of their financial obligations like making bill payments. These acts show that you are aware of their day-to-day struggles and that you sincerely want to help and support them whenever you can.
5. Physical Touch: The subtleties of affection are expressed by people who understand the language of physical contact, which includes actions like giving your spouse a gentle massage, holding hands, giving them a warm hug, kissing them, or just putting your arm around them. These personal acts are more than just gestures if physical touch is your preferred method of communicating love. They are meaningful expressions of love and connection that convey “I love you” in the most direct and gentle way.

2. Pursue Passion.

Long-term partners frequently lack passion, but rekindling it can have significant advantages, according to clinical psychologist David Schnarch, PhD, best-selling author of “Intimacy and Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Marriage.”

As we open up more to our spouse, rediscovering passion not only promotes greater intimacy but also improves self-discovery. According to Schnarch, “feeling the object of our partner’s passion makes us feel wanted and eager.”

Moreover, passion promotes greater forgiveness and tolerance, which helps to maintain harmony in relationships. “Feeling desired by our partner makes us more forgiving of disagreements and more resilient in navigating the challenges of a relationship,” he states.

The advantages go beyond a simple emotional bond. Oxytocin is released during physical contact, including orgasm, and it is a hormone that promotes feelings of trust and bonding. Elevated levels of oxytocin have also been linked to better cardiovascular health, less stress, and increased altruism. Additionally, having sex raises one’s self-esteem; University of Texas research demonstrates how having sex gradually increases one’s sense of positive self-worth.

Should you sense a lack of desire in your relationship, Schnarch suggests using these simple tactics:

1. Hugging To Relax:  Schnarch claims that a hug typically lasts four seconds. But he also says that hugging your lover for a decadent ten minutes without anticipating a sexual encounter can be a very effective way to rekindle your relationship.He explains, “Holding your partner physically isn’t the essence of a 10-minute hug.” It involves putting your arms around them and letting go of tension. This embrace helps reduce the nervousness that frequently causes partners to drift apart.
2. Heads On Pillow:It might be difficult for couples to shift from domestic duties to private times. For this reason, Schnarch offers a novel solution: he advises couples to lie in bed together, fully clothed, facing one another, and leaving enough room for one another to view one another’s faces.

   He says, “Hold hands, look each other in the eyes, and stay in that position for ten minutes.” Schnarch notes that a lot of people experience the stirrings of desire when they are at ease and in a reclining position.

3. Feeling While Touching: Many couples develop a habit of touching each other carelessly and lack genuine intimacy. Schnarch claims that this might be annoying since it has the impression of being touched but not with real presence or gratitude.

   Schnarch suggests rekindling an emotional bond in addition to the physical in order to rekindle passion through touch. Partnering up and actively touching each other while paying close attention to the feelings is one useful technique. They learn to identify the sensations of touch and being touched through this exercise.

   Schnarch recommends doing this experiment twice: the first time with both partners completely focused on the event, and the second time with both of them less focused or distracted. This analogy serves to highlight the importance of giving each moment your whole attention.

   “When both partners focus their attention simultaneously on the same point on opposite sides of the skin, it generates an electric sensation—a natural outcome of emotional attentiveness.”

3. Allow Space For Solitude.

A moving passage from Rainer Maria Rilke’s poetry was read by Laura Munson and her husband during their vow exchange. It stressed the significance of designating one another as guardians of their solitude, which is a very personal act of trust.

After being married for over twenty years, Munson’s spouse was facing challenges. Munson respected Rilke’s advice by giving her husband the emotional room he required to reflect and reestablish his connection with himself, as opposed to begging him to stay.

Munson made the decision to stick to her commitment and have faith in the process during a trying time when her husband sought comfort in a different area of their house. “When someone needs to rediscover themselves, the most valuable gift a partner can offer is space,” she says. “It’s a period for rejuvenation.”

The novel “This Is Not the Story You Think It Is: A Season of Unlikely Happiness,” which details Munson’s journey, serves as an example of the deep gift that solitude may bestow. Relationships can become great by allowing your partner some alone time, in addition to helping them heal.

Partners can re-establish a connection with their own needs, passions, and priorities when they take time apart, whether it’s for a weekend getaway, a peaceful morning alone, or a night out with friends. Consequently, this encourages a more genuine and in-depth sharing of identities. In addition, accepting mutual isolation promotes individual wellbeing, which improves each partner’s capacity to support the partnership.

4. Don’t Skimp On Time Together.

Like everything in life, there is a place for solitude in successful relationships, but it’s important to strike a balance. Oversolitary behavior might unintentionally lead to distinct interests within a marriage, which over time may weaken their shared experiences. After all, in environments rich in delight and mutual enjoyment, love tends to flourish and endure. Relationship expert Willard F. Harley Jr., PhD, offers this insight, advising couples to give priority to things that they both like doing.

Harley claims that fostering what he refers to as “recreational companionship” is advantageous for both parties since it combines the basic human requirements for enjoyment and companionship. He is a supporter of sharing most, if not all, of your free time with your significant other.

5. Crack Down on Criticism.

According to marriage researcher John Gottman, PhD, who is well-known for his groundbreaking book “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,” relationships can easily crumble under the weight of ongoing hostility.

Gottman found that healthy relationships depend on a 5-to-1 ratio of positive interactions—including praises, encouraging gestures, and tender glances—to negative behaviors, like criticism and apathy, during his research at the University of Washington’s Love Lab.

A relationship’s sense of togetherness can be undermined by undesirable behaviors such as nagging or retreating during conversations. It’s surprising to learn that small behaviors like rolling one’s eyes in response to a partner’s comment might indicate marital strife and possibly even separation.

In line with Gottman’s research, it’s a good idea to pay closer attention to how often criticism intrudes into your relationships. Whenever negativity emerges, one tactic is to give a lighthearted intervention. You may use a funny code word or put a penny in a jar to catch and redirect these behaviors.

Consciously highlight each other’s strengths rather of focusing on each other’s weaknesses. This change automatically lessens criticism, creating a setting where both partners experience success, value, and adoration.

Fostering positivism in your partnership does not entail completely avoiding challenging talks. Instead, it entails approaching issues with a basis of respect and understanding for one another. The first step in bringing about change, according to psychologist Noelle Nelson, PhD, is to recognize and value one another’s viewpoints and contributions.

6. Actively Listen To Your Partner.

When a romantic relationship is just getting started, it’s normal to cling to everything your spouse says. Per psychologist Jan Hoistad, PhD, author of “Romance Rehab: 10 Steps to Rescue Your Relationship,” receiving genuine attention is essential to our feeling of value as individuals, regardless of age.

But as partnerships become older, it’s normal for this kind of focused listening to diminish. Nevertheless, you can awaken your capacity for in-depth listening with deliberate effort.

Hoistad suggests a technique in which partners alternate between speaking and listening for 20 to 30 minutes, at least four times a week. It’s crucial to switch up who talks first and concentrate on talking about important matters; wherever possible, stay away from trite or divisive topics.

Sincerity is vital, but difficulties shouldn’t be the only thing on the agenda. Hoistad promotes the sharing of individual victories, thrilling experiences, and noteworthy accomplishments. When it’s your moment to speak, make an effort to actively listen, avoid interrupting, and give your partner your whole attention.